Out of Mongolia

A Zoo for the Undead

A new world for a clueless dad

Yesterday I spoke with my nine-year old son, who is spending the summer in Kiev. He spends every moment he can with his cousin Bogdan, who is the same age as he is.

"Dad," he said, "I'm playing a great game on the computer with Bogdan!"

"What game?" I asked.

I had played Fate with him one summer, and found that it was a good way to connect with him. We always played on the same side, battling hideous creatures and collecting heaps of gold. No competition, just a lot of discussion and planning. He still talks about it.

"It's really great. It's called World of Warcraft."

I was silent for a moment. I've heard about this game, some kind of alternate world. An online game, right? I once read that people in poor countries can make a good living by playing it full-time, creating objects that they can sell for real money to Westerners. I've never played it, I've never even seen it, but I imagine that it's violent and full of women wearing almost nothing.

"Are you playing online?" I asked. I imagined pedophiles lurking there, waiting to lure unsuspecting Ukrainian boys into their traps.

"No, it's on a disk."

Excellent. One less thing to worry about.

"What are you guys doing there?"

"We're building a zoo for the undead."

Silence.

"A what?"

"A zoo for the undead."

Ever since he was born, I've wondered how long it would take before he started talking about things I can't understand. That day has come. I don't know what a zoo for the undead is. I know about vampires, but I'm not sure why you'd want to put them in a zoo. Aren't you supposed to hammer wooden stakes through their hearts? Or shoot them with silver bullets? Or does he mean zombies? How do you kill a zombie anyway?

"That's great," I said.

"Can we buy the disk?"

I didn't know what to say. Should my boy be playing a game like this? Should I buy the game first, check it out, and then decide? If I disapprove, will this lead to a lifelong rift with my son, leading to huge therapy bills?

"Sure," I said. "When it's your birthday."

I'm not stupid, not yet. I have a little more time to figure this out.

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Filed under // Computer games Parenting Undead World of Warcraft Zombies Zoo

Comments [2]

I'm a Bad Daddy

Last night I went to my kids' Winter Concert. I hated it. Does that mean I'm a bad daddy? Maybe so. But my suffering was real.

Just think about it. I had to watch performances from preschool through Grade 5 in a gym with horrible acoustics. The theme? Peace! Hello? Mongolia is not exactly at war with anyone, and hasn't been for generations. The theme ought to have been "let's improve the business environment so that investors don't leave" or something else relevant to the country.

And the performances? The horror, the horror! You can imagine the technical skills of small children. Mostly out-of-tune screeches and wails. Preschool was only bearable because of their incredible cuteness. The 5th graders were also OK, since at that age they're starting to show the very beginnings of talent.

Are they 3rd Graders, or are they flesh-eating Zombies?

But there is a huge gap between the cuteness and talent. Grade 3, my son's class, is right in the middle. These poor kids performed "The Hora," a traditional Jewish folk dance. The entire class stumbled clumsily in circles, like the zombies in "Night of the Living Dead." An insult to Jewish history and culture, in my opinion.

I know that school concerts are good for children's development, and that it is my duty as a parent to watch them and praise them. I will do that. But I will continue to suffer at school concerts, at least until my kids are in 5th grade. When I think that this dark scenario is being repeated all over the world, year after year after year, I feel the collective pain of parents everywhere.

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Filed under // Humor Kids School Suffering Torture Zombies

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zombies

A Zoo for the Undead

I'm a Bad Daddy